Ladies and Gentlemen,
First and foremost, I’d like to thank everyone for coming here today. To my fellow law students, professors, and Vicki Palmer (who copied or forwarded my undergraduate transcripts over one hundred times), I appreciate all you have done for me over these past two seasons at KU Law. This year has been particularly rough, especially considering my early exit from the Moot Court Competition and career-low statistics in both Secured Transactions and Business Associations II. That being said, I’d like to announce my eligibility for the 2010 NBA Draft this June.
After talking extensively with my family, NBA Scouts, and Dean Agrawal, I feel the time is right for me to take my game to the next level. We went through a lot of the same process last summer, but then again, at that time I had a paid internship and a credit score above 600. Given the current economic climate, looming unemployment rates in large legal markets and another potentially devastating subprime real estate ripple approaching, this is the right decision for me financially as well. The daily per diem and impending shoe contract have simply become too alluring in light of rising out-of-state tuition and an increased Consumer Price Index relative to average national legal wages. With little or no hope for an externship and a 0% success rate with OCI, the NBA draft is my next best alternative.
Granted, neither BAR/BRI nor Emanuel produce a commercial outline for the game of basketball, but KU Law has prepared me well for The Association. I don’t think I will go very high, in fact I probably won’t be drafted at all, yet I did recently attend the Sports & Entertainment Law Symposium and the skills I picked up that day will surely be welcomed by any NBA franchise. Additionally, I regularly sat but a few feet away from Cole Aldrich in the Burge and often held the door for Sherron Collins while exiting the bookstore. I’ve also personally witnessed the football and basketball teams engage in hand-to-hand combat at both Wescoe and The Ranch. The wealth of knowledge I’ve gained at KU Law will surely come in handy once my transcripts are lost in a fire or disappear strangely in the night, but until then there is a higher likelihood of me playing in the NBA than finding gainful legal employment.
Sincerely,
Ryan McAteer
Former J.D. Candidate 2011
University of Kansas School of Law
CC: David Stern, Stu Jackson
Dear Ryan,
I’m so glad I had the privelege of consensually slapping you in Austin. My hand has been feeling slightly more humorous and awesome since that day.
Sincerely,
Danielle
Dear Rob McAteer,
I am pleased to hear about your decision. Train hard, and don’t be afraid to throw a little Kahlúa in the protein shakes, a la Uncle Lenny. If things don’t work out, you should consider the Halo 3 Team Doubles draft, where I will choose you in an h-beat.
Sincerely,
Donnie
Golf Clap………..
Ryan,
First and foremost, call Uncle Wes, if you want to be in the NBA you need to know William Wesley. Everything else will fall in line. He will immediately start working you out with David Thorpe, whom will talk up your work ethic and pre-practice rituals. He can also get on the phone to Chad Ford and tell him about your length and intangibles. If you have any off-the-court problems, i.e. drugs/women/gambling/guns, Uncle Wes will pair you up with John Lucas, whom will get the rehab program kicking. He’ll make sure you not only get in the NBA, but you stay in the NBA, even if you have NO talent.
William Wesley has the keys to the NBA’s Emerald city.
-Carl Spackler
perkisabeast.com
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